You’ve seen it before, and if you’re being honest, you probably don’t love it.
You accept a LinkedIn connection request and within a minute you get a follow-up message with someone’s resume and a quick pitch about why they’d be a great fit for a role. Or you’re at an event, and you think you’re just having a good conversation between sessions…and then a few days later, that same person is reaching out to schedule a demo and walk you through their product.
It doesn’t feel great.
And yet, a lot of us still do it.
We show up to events with business cards or QR codes ready because we know “networking” matters. But when we say networking, what we often mean is building relationships that will add value to our lives. We’re thinking about what we might need later, who might help us, what doors might open.
But I think we’ve missed something.
What if networking isn’t supposed to be about setting up relationships so we can get value, but about setting up relationships so we can add value?
That sounds nice. But it’s hard to live out, especially when you need something.
When You Need a Job, Everything Changes
I’ve been laid off twice in the last two years. Hundreds of applications. Dozens of conversations. A lot of time refreshing my inbox and wondering what I was missing.
Severance only goes so far. Bills don’t stop. Life doesn’t pause.
So, you act.
You apply to everything that looks even remotely close. You reach out to people at those companies. You ask for time, for referrals, for help. You start playing the game the way it feels like it’s supposed to be played. “Closed mouths don’t get fed,” right?
And I don’t think that’s wrong. There is value in asking for help, especially from people who know you and can speak to your work.
But I also have to admit something about my own behavior during those seasons.
It wasn’t driven by strategy. It was driven by urgency. By the feeling that if I wasn’t doing something, I was falling behind. That if I wasn’t asking, I wasn’t doing enough. And in that mindset, something like “just keep adding value” feels almost irresponsible. Like, “That’s a nice idea, but my family needs food and my kids are getting closer to college and I don’t have the luxury of hoping something works out eventually.”
But when I look back at the last five or six opportunities I’ve had, across consulting, contract work, and full-time role, none of them came from that activity. Not most. All.
Every one of those opportunities came from someone reaching out to me, not the other way around.
That’s hard to reconcile when you’ve just spent months applying, reaching out and trying to create momentum. Because my actual experience of getting “chosen” hasn’t come from the behavior I default to when I need something.
And yet, when I’m in that moment, I still default back to it.
What “Showing Up” Looks Like
A few years ago, I made an intentional decision to start showing up more consistently in the WFM and contact center space.
At the beginning, part of that was about recognition. I saw the ICMI Top 25 Thought Leader List and thought it would be pretty cool to be on it. So, I started posting more regularly, writing when I had something to say and saying yes to speaking opportunities when they came up.
When I got laid off and started consulting, showing up started to take on a different meaning. It wasn’t just about being seen anymore, it was about being trusted. And I was comfortable with that part. What I wasn’t comfortable with was the transition from trust to money. The moment where “you trust me to help” turns into “you’re willing to pay me to help.” That shift into selling has never felt natural to me, and it’s something I’ve had to work through.
Later, when I moved into a role that wasn’t directly tied to WFM, I kept showing up. At that point, it had less to do with visibility or even business, and more to do with having a space where I could still add value. A space where I could think, contribute and feel like I was helping in a way that my day-to-day role wasn’t always allowing.
And over time, I made a more conscious decision about what I wanted that space to be.
I’m still a consultant. If someone wants to pay me to help, I’m not going to turn that down. But I’ve stopped trying to make my content a pipeline for revenue. I don’t want a large audience so I can sell something to it. I’ve found that I need a space that feels more true, more simple.
Practically, that’s looked like showing up consistently. Posting throughout the week. Writing a handful of articles each year. Speaking when the opportunity comes up. Sometimes sharing a real thought, sometimes sharing something as simple as a Will Ferrell gif that makes someone laugh because it hits a little too close to home.
None of that was part of some grand strategy.
But the consistency did something important. It forced me to refine how I think. To get clearer on my point of view. To understand how I add value in conversations and in this space. And as that got clearer to me, it became clearer to other people, too. They weren’t just seeing that I was active, they were seeing how I think, how I approach problems and where I add value.
Two Realities That Can Both Be True
If you’re currently unemployed, I don’t think the takeaway here is to stop applying or to stop reaching out. I didn’t do that, and I wouldn’t recommend it. There’s a reality to needing to take action and create opportunities in the short-term.
But I also wouldn’t abandon the idea of adding value just because it doesn’t feel immediately productive. Even if it doesn’t lead to something tomorrow, it’s not wasted effort.
And if you’re currently in a role, it’s easy to ignore all of this. You’re busy. You’re focused on your job. You’re not thinking about what might come next.
Until you have to.
And by that point, you’re starting from zero.