Throughout my career, and especially during my travels and time spent working inside organizations, I encountered a familiar workplace phenomenon: The Energy Vampire.
Someone whose presence, attitude, behavior, or perspective consistently drains energy, optimism, motivation and enthusiasm from the people around them. They often operate from a place of negativity, pessimism, cynicism or self-interest. Conversations become complaints. Problems become excuses. Possibilities become reasons why something won’t work. And before you know it, you walk away from the conversation wondering, “What just happened to my energy?”
I’ve worked with quite a few Energy Vampires throughout my career. I even had the opportunity to report to one while working in corporate America. I’m guessing many of you have your own stories, the kind you can laugh about now, but certainly didn't laugh while you were working hard every day to navigate through it.
The Opportunity
As strange as it sounds, encountering an Energy Vampire can become an opportunity. Once I recognized and understood what was happening, I realized I had a choice. I couldn’t always control the person, but I could certainly control my response.
I learned to prepare myself differently. In one-on-one meetings with my boss, I came prepared with answers to his questions that he always presented to me. I stayed focused on the facts, potential solutions, challenges and what I could positively influence, rather than getting pulled into a downward spiral.
When I didn't have an answer, I became comfortable saying, “Let me get back to you with an answer.” I didn't need to have every answer immediately — and I certainly didn't need to absorb someone else's frustration, but he wasn’t going to accept, “I don’t know.” I also learned that sometimes, the best strategy is to limit your exposure to the Energy Vampire.
I became more aware of the signs and signals by reading his body language and facial expressions. I recognized the conversations that were going nowhere and the people in the room who seemed to thrive on negativity. I stopped allowing those encounters to emotionally hijack my mood, motivation and perspective. And when I needed to reset, I went for a run and listened to my music. That time gave me the opportunity to clear my head, regain my perspective and return to work with my energy restored.
The Company You Keep
My Mom used to tell me, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”
That simple lesson has stayed with me throughout my life. We are influenced by the people we spend time with, personally and professionally. So, I made a conscious decision to surround myself with Energy Givers.
Energy Givers are the people who see possibilities when others see obstacles. They don't ignore problems; they approach them differently. They bring perspective, curiosity, encouragement, humor and a genuine desire to make things better.
- They inspire you.
- They challenge you.
- They help you think differently.
- And sometimes, they simply remind you that tomorrow can be better than today.
Over time, I noticed something interesting. The more I surrounded myself with Energy Givers, the less influence the Energy Vampires had on me. My environment changed because I changed the company I kept.
Can You Change an Energy Vampire?
I eventually wondered whether I could help some of the Energy Vampires see things differently.
- Could I help them find another perspective?
- Could I help them become more positive?
- Could I change the conversation?
I tried. Sometimes, it worked for a moment. Most of the time, it didn't. There are a few things that I have learned in my career, and one is that it is hard to change someone's mindset for them. People must recognize the impact they are having and decide for themselves that they want something different. Some people become comfortable being unhappy. Negativity becomes familiar. Complaining becomes a habit. And when things don't work out, they can always say, “I told you so.”
A psychologist friend of mine once told me that successfully helping someone break those patterns takes time, patience and expertise. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough of any of the three! So, I learned an important lesson:
- You can influence people, but you cannot own their choices.
- Become an Energy Giver
Today, I love my role as an Energy Giver. Not because I always feel positive. Not because every situation is easy. And certainly not because I have all the answers. I do it because I believe we have a responsibility to make the people around us better — not worse.
Every Interaction is an Opportunity
We can leave someone feeling discouraged, frustrated and exhausted. Or we can leave them feeling heard, valued, encouraged and capable. And here's the amazing part, being an Energy Giver doesn't cost a thing. You can provide and offer:
- A kind word or a thoughtful question.
- A little encouragement or a sincere thank-you.
- A willingness to listen and gain a different perspective.
These simple things can have an extraordinary impact on someone's day — and sometimes on someone's life.
The Choice Is Ours
Life isn't about having everything we want or avoiding every difficult situation. It's about recognizing what we've been given, how we choose to use it and how we choose to use our influence to make a difference. I believe the greatest Energy Givers understand that these blessings are gifts, and they need to be shared with others.
- They share their experience and encourage others.
- They create opportunities to lift people up.
- They pay it forward.
So, the next time you walk into a meeting, enter a difficult conversation, or interact with someone who seems to be draining life out of everyone around them, remember; you may not be able to control the energy someone else brings into the room. But you can control the energy you bring into it.
- Choose to be the Energy Giver and lift people up.
- Change the conversation and pay it forward.
Think about and discover what is important to you and watch what happens; not only to the people around you, but to yourself.